It's true, Bryan is an asshole. I know that. I made the mistake of going out with him twice. OK. I GET IT ALREADY

It's true, Bryan says stuff that isn't true to hurt people. I made the mistake of believing him. OK. I GET IT ALREADY.

It's true, Bryan isn't as caring or nice as he seems. You made the mistake of believing that act. OK. I GET IT ALREADY.


I'm tired of hearing about things he's doing, or things he's done. I may have a boyfriend and be totally happy with him, but it's only been like, 2 months since I broke up with Bryan in the first place! You people who tell me this stuff aren't helping me! It still hurts!

I want to be past him. I want him to be a distany memory.


Why can't you get that? LEAVE ME ALONE

I don't want to be haunted by him for the rest of my life!



At this point, I'm seriously considering starting over once I'm in college. That means if I come back to Pittsburgh, the only people I will see are my family. I won't stay in contact with anyone in PA. Why? because I can't get through one conversation without my ex being brought up in some way!

So how about, Becca Stevens is... how should i put this, a bitch.

And Bryan has no self-control.


Story time!

We all know me and Bryan almost broke up a few months ago. We should've. 

Becca's side:
About 4 weeks ago  they starting IMing each other and she would call him when her internet was shut off at 9:30. She said he did all the talking and he sent a picture. Of his lower half. He tried to stop a couple times, but couldn't. After Thursday night she decided she had to tell me.

Bryan's side:
About 2 weeks ago it started. No pictures were sent. She would call him. Every. Single. Night. He said she was becoming a stalker. He was planning to tell me Friday too.

A couple days ago I got annoyed/upset that Becca wore short shorts to practice. Now, picture the edge of the stage, with her sitting legs straight out in front of her, legs parallel to the edge. About where her knees were there was a tall chair that Bryan was sitting in. They were talking and she was moving around. It was obvious she was trying to get him to look at her legs.

He asked her why she wore them, she said "To get you to notice"


In band yesterday, Mr. Z wasnt there so Bryan came down with me. He went off talking to someone and i found Becca crying in a corner. She took me into the practice room and told me her side. I wasn't mad at Becca at the time, but I was pissed at Bryan. So I threw the iced tea and candy bar of his I had in my bag onto the floor, plus the chocolate chips he gave me earlier that day. What? It was all I had to throw. And I gave back the heart necklace and rings he gave me. This all happened in about 10 minutes. 

BJ comes in, is shocked that I broke up with Bryan, then Bryan comes in. So its the 4 of us in a small room. 

I forget what Bryan said but I yelled something at him. Becca and BJ found a reason to leave so I let things fly out of my mouth. Bell rang and I left him sitting there. He looked like he was about to cry. And I didn't care.

The last 2 periods of the day we texted each other. I think that was the meanest, cruelest, nost hurtful things I've ever said to anyone.

Then I got home, Sean got on Bryan's AIM. He wanted to help Bryan and I get back together.... WHAT?!? Not just of what Bryan did, but it's Sean. He never wants to help is brothers, let alone me, his brother's (now ex) girlfriend. 

So at musical practice I talked to Bryan. He explained his story, and I decided something. Neither Bryan or Becca could be trusted.

Then tonight Choma texted me with "You should go to prom with me". Problem: I agreed to go with Bryan as friends. So I turned Choma down...



So I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to tell Bryan to stop saying 'I love you'

Today was definatly not a good day. 

Tomorrow is supposed to be, but at this rate, dinner for 2 may not be that fun.

Today was I think the most interesting day of my life so far.

Beofre the bus came I got a popped blood vessel in my eye, that freaked people out all day.

Kim's not mad at me! Yay!


In Chemisty, we're doing a paint lab. It takes a few weeks and we have to make a paint, color and all. So today we were supposed to mix the color with the binder (thing that makes it stick to whatever in this case nails).  instead of a nice even smooth paint, we got  a clump of gooey stuff that looked like Winterfresh gum with those blue crystals. In lquid. Mixture of alcohol, acetone, and polyurethane. Yeah. Quote from our chem teacher: "That's..... slightly disgusting."

Jason got tea-bagged in study hall. I feel like leaving it there, but I won't.

He was on the computer playing a game, and he died. So his player is laying there, and the opponent is like, bending over him, the rest is self-explanitory. We thought is was just an accident. But then the opponent said this "Do not hurt me. I am gay." Exact words, not kidding. 

Finally, we were playing an Irish Rhapsody in band, then Mr. Z cuts off and turns to me. He says "I'm so excited to tell you this!"

Now, what do you think he would tell me? That I nailed a difficult part while sight-reading? I got some great music offer somewhere? No. None of those. Something more exciting.

I played too loud.

Is no Moulin Rouge song an original?!?



Your Song- i heard it on the radio, sung my some guy from a while ago

Like A Virgin- Madonna, need i say more

Elephant Love Medly- bunch of other songs, Beatles, Elton John, yeah

Lady Marmalade- I know it's from somthing else i just don't know what...

One Day I'll Fly Away- Sandra Pires (yet again, not original Moulin Rouge)

Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend- everyone's heard of this one, it's from another musical

Rhythm of The Night- DeBarge, who is that? well, thats the original singer, from the 80s

The Show Must Go On- It's Queen, who knew? IT'S QUEEN!!!!

The Children of the Revolution- Elton John, yeah...

Nature Boy- believe it or not, it's a jazz song, the words are moulin rouge original


Come What May I'm not sure about.... the name is used, but is it the same song? I don't know...


So, I guess that leaves Spectacular Spectacular, and Hindi Sad Diamonds as originals........

yesterday, Mr. Z kocked on his window at me, after the bell rang, I was on my way to lunch

He asked if I had decided on jazz band. basically, I said yes.

During band yesterday, we got a new song, Z tells me he might give me a microphone so you can hear during the trombone feature..... CRAP

Today, he stops midsentence to say "Darn it i forgot my lunch! I have to go to Vinnie's now!" *kicks ground and continues conducting*

Mrs Davidson, the musical director, walks in carrying all the music for the orchestra pit.

Tomorrow night is the meeting for the band trip. We got the dates for practice a few days ago.

The craziness that is marching band, the musical, jazz band, concert band, and orchestra, is about to reach its peak.

I'm going to die from suffocation... literally...

What's cute, fuzzy, and named Brandy?

Give up?




My new puppy of course! We went out today to look at puppies and fell in love with her. Right now she's half asleep in my kitchen. She's soooo cute!!!

I'm very happy with my Christmas!

This is what i got:

cell phone

MP3 player

Eragon soundtrack

Brigadoon soundtrack

Mouin Rouge! (THANKS ERIKA!!!!!!)

Canada travel guide

West Side Story DVD

Fiddler on the Roof DVD

Guys and Dolls DVD

Pirates of the Carribean 2

Scissors (it's a messages from my mom........)

Pooping moose

Bob the 5 in 1 wobble clock

Spongebob train

lots and lots of CANDY

and last but not least....

and beautiful necklace from Bryan!

Ok, I was talking to Justin. Apparently, he's sad that I'm cutting my hair. "It's pretty" were his exact words. Now I feel bad. darn my conscience.

But, I'm still getting it cut. Sorry Justin! But it will be layered so it won't look that bad.... hopefully.....

I wonder
Can something happen, that changes things
I mean, something that's been the same for years
And something small happens
Something that really shouldn't matter
And everything that's been the same
Changes
With so signs of going back to the way it was
But if it were to go back
It won't be the same
The memory of what happened remains
And that memory prevents it from ever going back
So no matter how hard we try to forget
How hard we try to ignore the change before
It will NEVER be the same
Because the more we try to forget
The more we remember

wow...

I'm talkin to Bryan right now. He started liking me in 8th grade. When I was in 7th grade. It took him 3 years.

I've never noticed it before, but, maybe he has sort of shown he's liked me...

I absolutly hate life sometimes. It gives you great things, then turns around and causes everything to crash and burn. Here's what I mean.

I was talking to Bryan on the phone earlier. He told me that one girl we know was sexually abused by her step-father. Which caused some other problems with her. And, another girl was raped. PLUS! My friend cuts herself, which is why she always wears a hoodie to cover her arms. Why does any of this happen? And to people we love.

Now my problem in my last post doesn't seem very big at all...

All this makes me want to just cry

I'm tired of it all. People at my school, people everywhere else. Why can't they just leave me alone? I kiss my boyfriend who I love and people act like it's a crime. Then turn around and do the same thing, only more! People who once supported me in finding a guy now make fun of me. Will I do that when you get a guy? No. Because I know what it's like to care about someone. You people can't seem to get over the fact that I really like this guy. Well, if you can't handle it, screw you. I've put up with it for over a month and it's only getting worse. I love him. What don't you just go find a guy and shut the f*ck up.

But then there's the couple people who are happy for me. Who don't make fun of me for being with him. Right now, those are the only people i trust.

Until you can accept us, I really don't know what to tell you. Even if you don't like it, tell me and I'll be aware of that.

And I'm sorry if I don't spend as much time with as before, but you'll do the same thing when you find the guy you really love.

So get off my back.

I have the urge to complain right now.



Bryan is going to talk to Tyler. He thinks he likes me too much.

Cieona asked Tyler if he liked me. He said no, then shoved food in his mouth.

She says he's a liar.



I get my class ring Wednesday at lunch. yay



We got our school pictures back today. I hate mine, of course.



Gym is crap. Fitness. AKA: weight lifting.



I go to the doctor's at 10 tomorrow. grrrrr



I'm so freakin tired. I was talking to Bryan on the phone just now. We're doing something tomorrow, what exactly, we still have to figure out.

Tyler's invited me to see Phantom of the Opera when it comes to town...


I need to talk to people

What is the movie on USA right now? I think it's dawn of the dead, but i can't tell. I'll find out soon though..............

This is going to annoy me for a while.

Oh yeah, nothing interesting happended today

And today is my 1 month anniversary with Bryan! Who knew I could go that long?

So I went to go see Man of the Year with him. Ok, so his parents and his 2 brothers went too. But his mom and Reese saw Open Season, and Sean and his dad sat in the middle of the theater while me and Bryan sat in the very back.

The movie..... umm..... the parts we saw were really funny! 

So I don't think I need to say what we did for the rest of the movie. Nothing bad, just kept us from watching the movie. 

We were happy!

Then we went to dinner afterwards. Eat'n Park. Of course Bryan shoves his face! Sean.... don't know what to think about him, I think he's avoiding me. Oh well!

Me and Bryan 'shared' a sundae. I took a little, I didn't want much. So he took just about all. 

So, I had a very happy anniversary.

Today... well... I was hyper, Bryan was hyper.... it was a good day.

Plus, I have a feeling if there wasn't anyone else on the bus, Bryan would've made out with me. Because he kinda kissed me... a lot.... yeah. I'll stop there.

1st 10 minutes of the bus ride went as followed.

I'm sitting next Bryan, and one of his friends is sitting in front of us. They started talking about dildos and vibrators.... birthday present for this girl who is kinda.... close to her boyfriend.

Finally, Bryan's like "this is uncomfortable for you huh?" 

"yeah, just a bit!"

My conclusion is that if I hadn't joined low brass and been exposed to Choma and them, I would've "broken up with him (Bryan) and jumped out the window." As Bryan put it.

He's happy that he can be himself and not some "unperverted fruit".

Oh well. He's a guy. It's hard to stop him.

AND Here's the differences between Sean and Bryan: 1. Sean's 40 lbs heavier 2. Sean's all about grades, Bryan's all about getting a girl ("and i got mine so i'm happy!") (#2 only came up when they were talking about who looks at more porn, Bryan or Sean)


Then Bryan's friend got off. And I was no longer scared.